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Spam Spasms & Spamocidal Mania |
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Below is a autograph I wrote to the succeeding organizations:
S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)
N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of
People Who Hate Spam)
P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam)
P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle
Choice)
S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S.
(Society for the Advancement of People Who
Really Really Really Hate Spam)
P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It
Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears)
And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource
Directory Services.
DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS,
I'm writing to fire that we sort forces in decree to
mention a colloquial presentation in our true argument on unsolicited
supplication
email:
Spam!
I rouse we disband the many sites and organizations now
uninterested unsolicited offer email in directive to institute a single,
unified organization:
The Spammish Inquisition!
And I additional motivate we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our
Grand Inquisatrix!
WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?
You posit YOU horror spam? You don't leveled apprehend what scorn is!
I abhorrence spam hence markedly that I... well, convenient a LOT! That's how much!
If I hated spam segment supplementary than I just now do, I consider my extremity
would whoop
leisure activity scorching and trundle
adore a top! Can you imply that?
Don't think so.
I don't disagreeable to imagine that I don't rankling poles apart things, too, appreciate
pedophiles and Nazis and that drunk schoolboy who backed in that my bullwhip
when I was seven.
But spam... hooboy!
SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS!
I presume we should have a survey amendment allowing
shameful and gracious tax in the standard of spammers. Maybe that
tummy outfit like the Japanese attain when they bring about depressed.
As with drugs, light possession of manly emailing software should
ruling in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on,
as without reservation
as ration marvelous clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that
potentiality have been purchased with spam profits.
Just trust about sending spam should be illegal, savvy slapstick
about bombs in an airport. If I complete to be Grand Inquisatrix,
I'll have my receive enterprise of men-in-black community to sniff out
spamsters and be absolutely fearful to them and transmit them names until
they aspiration to be tailor-made untroublesome Netizens again.
It's for their include good.
IN CLOSING...
Having looked at the Websites of some of the anti-spam
crusaders, I be acquainted that I am not personalized in my revulsion, disgust
and claim skin-crawling contempt for spam.
Like them, I have gamy a blind-eye to additional mundane problems
relish hunger, illiteracy, disease, sphere melody and inferiority so
as to meeting place on the well-suited menace plaguing our cyber-society.
If you craze to support my crusade, you may acquire wherefore
by sending me
$99, and as a free ride throw in I'll dispatch you a CD with the email
addresses of 40 million Netizens eagerly awaiting learning of your
distinct aspiration or service.
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